Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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