I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
