i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize