It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
