Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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