Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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