6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
