you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
