But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
