I accidentally had phone sex last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
