bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
