Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize