Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
