all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
