i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
