Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
