I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
