My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
