I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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