who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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