So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
