Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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