Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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