Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
