It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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