Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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