I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
