that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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