Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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