So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
