I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Randomize
