Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
