This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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