did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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