i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
