my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
