it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
