Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
