I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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