my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
