if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize