Little spoons don't ask big questions
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize