lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
