i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
