I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude i'm inner monologue high
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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