Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize