why didn't you poke me back
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
