Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i now understand why vodka
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
