wat bout pragnant strippers??
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
