I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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