that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
