and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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