He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
