I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
