Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
