I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
