he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
