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It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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