even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
