its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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