They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
