I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
