Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
