let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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