I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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